Run And Hide
by lozzamm
Summary: Cassie's first thoughts when she arrived in New York.


**Run And Hide**

Cassie had always done it. Anytime something in her life happened that she could not take, she had always ran. Anytime people disagreed with her, or didn't do what she wanted them to, she had ran and left them, however not always to this extent.

When people did not treat her the way she wanted, if her parents ever argued around her, she would stop eating and take pills until the world surrounding her was happier and everyone plastered on fake smiles and told her exactly what they thought she wanted to hear. It didn't always work. With Sid he didn't give her the kind of attention she craved from him. So she had ran from him, barricaded herself away from him and the rest of the world, ran as far as Scotland with her parents, until he returned her feelings.

She knew it wasn't healthy, but she had never stopped to think about it properly, all she had thought was that it worked. It gave her the power and people always did what she wanted. When Cassie left hospital, or went back to England, things were how she wanted them to be, and then it all had to go wrong.

It was Michelle's fault. Pure and simple, she had came back to England, hoping to win her boyfriend back and everything would be the way it supposed to be, the way she had always imagined it would be since she first properly met Sid at that party last year. But instead she found Sid with his arms wrapped around Michelle. And she ran, again.

Finally things were going well; finally things were how they should have been all along. It was as if stupid Sid had never been in _love _with stupid Michelle_, _as he had been convinced for years. Yep, everything was going brilliantly, everyone was with who they were supposed to be with, although Michelle still being around would have taken getting used to, but she was _happy. _Happier then she'd been with all the therapy sessions and all the bloody _happy time_ in the clinic's. Then it all went to hell again. And this time nothing would fix it.

That face never left her. While Cassie was throwing her things into the bag, while she was stomping down the street, when she was on the plane to New York and even when that lovely taxi-driver had given her the money and taken her into the city for free, all she could think of was Chris, and that frozen look on his face while his breathing stopped. She had to run. She could not stay in Bristol after that happened, she couldn't be the one in the hospital explaining what had happened to all her friends again, especially not to Jal. Poor Jal, Cassie remembered the haunted look on her face when Cassie told her what had happened to Chris last time he was in hospital. Cassie wouldn't stay and watch all of the people she loved being put through that kind of pain again.

Cassie continued staring out of the window at the busy city around her, how could everyone continue with their lives like this, when she felt like her life was being ripped apart over and over again.

"_You should eat that, it's good"_

Cassie looked across, seeing the boy who had spoken to her. With the thoughts of her friends and life she had abandoned, she had forgotten about the food that was laid in front her, it was probably for the best, she didn't want to eat it anyway. She couldn't explain it too him, she was hungry, starving even, she could not remember the last time she had eaten, but how could she eat when she'd just abandoned her life for what felt like the thousandth time in two years.

"I think I'm hungry, but then I'm not" she answered quietly, before reaching into her pocket and pulling out the money the taxi-driver had given her, holding it out for the boy to take, hopefully he would take it and leave her alone with her uneaten food and her own wretched thoughts. However, to her surprise the boy glanced around, as if to make sure no one was watching and told her to skip it. While Cassie was confused she was not to lose the opportunity to keep what little money she had, not that it meant much to her. After she'd already lost everything else, losing the few dollars she had wouldn't mean anything to her.


End file.
